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| 22 | | SENT-END THIS IS A LIBRIVOX RECORDING ALL LIBRIVOX RECORDINGS ARE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN FOR MORE INFORMATION OR TO VOLUNTEER PLEASE VISIT LIBRIVOX DOT ORG RECORDED BY CHRIS GORINGE THE VOYAGES OF DOCTOR DOLITTLE BY HUGH LOFTING PART FOUR CHAPTER TWO THE FIDGIT'S STORY WELL NOW THAT HE WAS STARTED ONCE MORE UPON HIS OLD HOBBY OF THE SHELLFISH LANGUAGES THERE WAS NO STOPPING THE DOCTOR HE WORKED RIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT A LITTLE AFTER MIDNIGHT I FELL ASLEEP IN A CHAIR ABOUT TWO IN THE MORNING BUMPO FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL AND FOR FIVE HOURS THE CURLEW WAS ALLOWED TO DRIFT WHERE SHE LIKED BUT STILL JOHN DOLITTLE WORKED ON TRYING HIS HARDEST TO UNDERSTAND THE FIDGIT'S LANGUAGE STRUGGLING TO MAKE THE FIDGIT UNDERSTAND HIM WHEN I WOKE UP IT WAS BROAD DAYLIGHT AGAIN THE DOCTOR WAS STILL STANDING AT THE LISTENING TANK LOOKING AS TIRED AS AN OWL AND DREADFULLY WET BUT ON HIS FACE THERE WAS A PROUD AND HAPPY SMILE STUBBINS HE SAID AS SOON AS HE SAW ME STIR I'VE DONE IT I'VE GOT THE KEY TO THE FIDGIT'S LANGUAGE IT'S A FRIGHTFULLY DIFFICULT LANGUAGE QUITE DIFFERENT FROM ANYTHING I EVER HEARD THE ONLY THING IT REMINDS ME OF SLIGHTLY IS ANCIENT HEBREW IT ISN'T SHELLFISH BUT IT'S A BIG STEP TOWARDS IT NOW THE NEXT THING I WANT YOU TO TAKE A PENCIL AND A FRESH NOTEBOOK AND WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING I SAY THE FIDGIT HAS PROMISED TO TELL ME THE STORY OF HIS LIFE I WILL TRANSLATE IT INTO ENGLISH AND YOU PUT IT DOWN IN THE BOOK ARE YOU READY ONCE MORE THE DOCTOR LOWERED HIS EAR BENEATH THE LEVEL OF THE WATER AND AS HE BEGAN TO SPEAK I STARTED TO WRITE AND THIS IS THE STORY THAT THE FIDGIT TOLD US THIRTEEN MONTHS IN AN AQUARIUM I WAS BORN IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN CLOSE TO THE COAST OF CHILE I WAS ONE OF A FAMILY OF TWO THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND TEN SOON AFTER OUR MOTHER AND FATHER LEFT US WE YOUNGSTERS GOT SCATTERED THE FAMILY WAS BROKEN UP BY A HERD OF WHALES WHO CHASED US I AND MY SISTER CLIPPA SHE WAS MY FAVORITE SISTER HAD A VERY NARROW ESCAPE FOR OUR LIVES AS A RULE WHALES ARE NOT VERY HARD TO GET AWAY FROM IF YOU ARE GOOD AT DODGING IF YOU'VE ONLY GOT A QUICK SWERVE BUT THIS ONE THAT CAME AFTER CLIPPA AND MYSELF WAS A VERY MEAN WHALE EVERY TIME HE LOST US UNDER A STONE OR SOMETHING HE'D COME BACK AND HUNT AND HUNT TILL HE ROUTED US OUT INTO THE OPEN AGAIN I NEVER SAW SUCH A NASTY PERSEVERING BRUTE WELL WE SHOOK HIM AT LAST THOUGH NOT BEFORE HE HAD WORRIED US FOR HUNDREDS OF MILES NORTHWARD UP THE WEST COAST OF SOUTH AMERICA BUT LUCK WAS AGAINST US THAT DAY WHILE WE WERE RESTING AND TRYING TO GET OUR BREATH ANOTHER FAMILY OF FIDGITS CAME RUSHING BY SHOUTING COME ON SWIM FOR YOUR LIVES THE DOG FISH ARE COMING NOW DOG FISH ARE PARTICULARLY FOND OF FIDGITS WE ARE YOU MIGHT SAY THEIR FAVORITE FOOD AND FOR THAT REASON WE ALWAYS KEEP AWAY FROM DEEP MUDDY WATERS WHAT'S MORE DOG FISH ARE NOT EASY TO ESCAPE FROM THEY ARE TERRIBLY FAST AND CLEVER HUNTERS SO UP WE HAD TO JUMP AND ON AGAIN AFTER WE HAD GONE A FEW MORE HUNDRED MILES WE LOOKED BACK AND SAW THAT THE DOG FISH WERE GAINING ON US SO WE TURNED INTO A HARBOR IT HAPPENED TO BE ONE ON THE WEST COAST OF THE UNITED STATES HERE WE GUESSED AND HOPED THE DOG FISH WOULD NOT BE LIKELY TO FOLLOW US AS IT HAPPENED THEY DIDN'T EVEN SEE US TURN IN BUT DASHED ON NORTHWARD AND WE NEVER SAW THEM AGAIN I HOPE THEY FROZE TO DEATH IN THE ARCTIC SEAS BUT AS I SAID LUCK WAS AGAINST US THAT DAY WHILE I AND MY SISTER WERE CRUISING GENTLY ROUND THE SHIPS ANCHORED IN THE HARBOR LOOKING FOR ORANGE PEELS A GREAT DELICACY WITH US SWOOP BANG WE WERE CAUGHT IN A NET WE STRUGGLED FOR ALL WE WERE WORTH BUT IT WAS NO USE THE NET WAS SMALL MESHED AND STRONGLY MADE KICKING AND FLIPPING WE WERE HAULED UP THE SIDE OF THE SHIP AND DUMPED DOWN ON THE DECK HIGH AND DRY IN A BLAZING NOON DAY SUN HERE A COUPLE OF OLD MEN IN WHISKERS AND SPECTACLES LEANT OVER US MAKING STRANGE SOUNDS SOME CODLING HAD GOT CAUGHT IN THE NET THE SAME TIME AS WE WERE THESE THE OLD MEN THREW BACK INTO THE SEA BUT US THEY SEEMED TO THINK VERY PRECIOUS THEY PUT US CAREFULLY INTO A LARGE JAR AND AFTER THEY HAD TAKEN US ON SHORE THEY WENT TO A BIG HOUSE AND CHANGED US FROM THE JAR INTO GLASS BOXES FULL OF WATER THIS HOUSE WAS ON THE EDGE OF THE HARBOR AND A SMALL STREAM OF SEA WATER WAS MADE TO FLOW THROUGH THE GLASS TANK SO WE COULD BREATHE PROPERLY OF COURSE WE HAD NEVER LIVED INSIDE GLASS WALLS BEFORE AND AT FIRST WE KEPT ON TRYING TO SWIM THROUGH THEM AND GOT OUR NOSES AWFULLY SORE BUMPING THE GLASS AT FULL SPEED THEN FOLLOWED WEEKS AND WEEKS OF WEARY IDLENESS THEY TREATED US WELL SO FAR AS THEY KNEW HOW THE OLD FELLOWS IN SPECTACLES CAME AND LOOKED AT US PROUDLY TWICE A DAY AND SAW THAT WE HAD THE PROPER FOOD TO EAT THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF LIGHT AND THAT THE WATER WAS NOT TOO HOT OR TOO COLD BUT OH THE DULLNESS OF THAT LIFE IT SEEMED WE WERE A KIND OF A SHOW AT A CERTAIN HOUR EVERY MORNING THE BIG DOORS OF THE HOUSE WERE THROWN OPEN AND EVERYBODY IN THE CITY WHO HAD NOTHING SPECIAL TO DO CAME IN AND LOOKED AT US THERE WERE OTHER TANKS FILLED WITH DIFFERENT KINDS OF FISHES ALL ROUND THE WALLS OF THE BIG ROOM AND THE CROWDS WOULD GO FROM TANK TO TANK LOOKING IN AT US THROUGH THE GLASS WITH THEIR MOUTHS OPEN LIKE HALF WITTED FLOUNDERS WE GOT SO SICK OF IT THAT WE USED TO OPEN OUR MOUTHS BACK AT THEM AND THIS THEY SEEMED TO THINK HIGHLY COMICAL ONE DAY MY SISTER SAID TO ME THINK YOU BROTHER THAT THESE STRANGE CREATURES WHO HAVE CAPTURED US CAN TALK SURELY SAID I HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED THAT SOME TALK WITH THE LIPS ONLY SOME WITH THE WHOLE FACE AND YET OTHERS DISCOURSE WITH THE HANDS WHEN THEY COME QUITE CLOSE TO THE GLASS YOU CAN HEAR THEM LISTEN AT THAT MOMENT A FEMALE LARGER THAN THE REST PRESSED HER NOSE UP AGAINST THE GLASS POINTED AT ME AND SAID TO HER YOUNG BEHIND HER OH LOOK HERE'S A QUEER ONE AND THEN WE NOTICED THAT THEY NEARLY ALWAYS SAID THIS WHEN THEY LOOKED IN AND FOR A LONG TIME WE THOUGHT THAT SUCH WAS THE WHOLE EXTENT OF THE LANGUAGE THIS BEING A PEOPLE OF BUT FEW IDEAS TO HELP PASS AWAY THE WEARY HOURS WE LEARNED IT BY HEART OH LOOK HERE'S A QUEER ONE BUT WE NEVER GOT TO KNOW WHAT IT MEANT OTHER PHRASES HOWEVER WE DID GET THE MEANING OF AND WE EVEN LEARNED TO READ A LITTLE IN MAN TALK MANY BIG SIGNS THERE WERE SET UP UPON THE WALLS AND WHEN WE SAW THAT THE KEEPERS STOPPED THE PEOPLE FROM SPITTING AND SMOKING POINTED TO THESE SIGNS ANGRILY AND READ THEM OUT LOUD WE KNEW THEN THAT THESE WRITINGS SIGNIFIED NO SMOKING AND DON'T SPIT THEN IN THE EVENINGS AFTER THE CROWD HAD GONE THE SAME AGED MALE WITH ONE LEG OF WOOD SWEPT UP THE PEANUT SHELLS WITH A BROOM EVERY NIGHT AND WHILE HE WAS SO DOING HE ALWAYS WHISTLED THE SAME TUNE TO HIMSELF THIS MELODY WE RATHER LIKED AND WE LEARNED THAT TOO BY HEART THINKING IT WAS PART OF THE LANGUAGE THUS A WHOLE YEAR WENT BY IN THIS DISMAL PLACE SOME DAYS NEW FISHES WERE BROUGHT IN TO THE OTHER TANKS AND OTHER DAYS OLD FISHES WERE TAKEN OUT AT FIRST WE HAD HOPED WE WOULD ONLY BE KEPT HERE FOR A WHILE AND THAT AFTER WE HAD BEEN LOOKED AT SUFFICIENTLY WE WOULD BE RETURNED TO FREEDOM AND THE SEA BUT AS MONTH AFTER MONTH WENT BY AND WE WERE LEFT UNDISTURBED OUR HEARTS GREW HEAVY WITHIN OUR PRISON WALLS OF GLASS AND WE SPOKE TO ONE ANOTHER LESS AND LESS ONE DAY WHEN THE CROWD WAS THICKEST IN THE BIG ROOM A WOMAN WITH A RED FACE FAINTED FROM THE HEAT I WATCHED THROUGH THE GLASS AND SAW THAT THE REST OF THE PEOPLE GOT HIGHLY EXCITED THOUGH TO ME IT DID NOT SEEM TO BE A MATTER OF VERY GREAT IMPORTANCE THEY THREW COLD WATER ON HER AND CARRIED HER OUT INTO THE OPEN AIR THIS MADE ME THINK MIGHTILY AND PRESENTLY A GREAT IDEA BURST UPON ME SISTER I SAID TURNING TO POOR CLIPPA WHO WAS SULKING AT THE BOTTOM OF OUR PRISON TRYING TO HIDE BEHIND A STONE FROM THE STUPID GAZE OF THE CHILDREN WHO THRONGED ABOUT OUR TANK SUPPOSING THAT WE PRETENDED WE WERE SICK DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD TAKE US ALSO FROM THIS STUFFY HOUSE BROTHER SAID SHE WEARILY THAT THEY MIGHT DO BUT MOST LIKELY THEY WOULD THROW US ON A RUBBISH HEAP WHERE WE WOULD DIE IN THE HOT SUN BUT SAID I WHY SHOULD THEY GO ABROAD TO SEEK A RUBBISH HEAP WHEN THE HARBOR IS SO CLOSE WHILE WE WERE BEING BROUGHT HERE I SAW MEN THROWING THEIR RUBBISH INTO THE WATER IF THEY WOULD ONLY THROW US ALSO THERE WE COULD QUICKLY REACH THE SEA THE SEA MURMURED POOR CLIPPA WITH A FARAWAY LOOK IN HER EYES SHE HAD FINE EYES HAD MY SISTER CLIPPA HOW LIKE A DREAM IT SOUNDS THE SEA OH BROTHER WILL WE EVER SWIM IN IT AGAIN THINK YOU EVERY NIGHT AS I LIE AWAKE ON THE FLOOR OF THIS EVIL SMELLING DUNGEON I HEAR ITS HEARTY VOICE RINGING IN MY EARS HOW I HAVE LONGED FOR IT JUST TO FEEL IT ONCE AGAIN THE NICE BIG WHOLESOME HOMELINESS OF IT ALL TO JUMP JUST TO JUMP FROM THE CREST OF AN ATLANTIC WAVE LAUGHING IN THE TRADE WIND'S SPINDRIFT DOWN INTO THE BLUE GREEN SWIRLING TROUGH TO CHASE THE SHRIMPS ON A SUMMER EVENING WHEN THE SKY IS RED AND THE LIGHT'S ALL PINK WITHIN THE FOAM TO LIE ON THE TOP IN THE DOLDRUMS NOONDAY CALM AND WARM YOUR TUMMY IN THE TROPIC SUN TO WANDER HAND IN HAND ONCE MORE THROUGH THE GIANT SEAWEED FORESTS OF THE INDIAN OCEAN SEEKING THE DELICIOUS EGGS OF THE POP POP TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK AMONG THE CASTLES OF THE CORAL TOWNS WITH THEIR PEARL AND JASPER WINDOWS SPANGLING THE FLOOR OF THE SPANISH MAIN TO PICNIC IN THE ANEMONE MEADOWS DIM BLUE AND LILAC GRAY THAT LIE IN THE LOWLANDS BEYOND THE SOUTH SEA GARDEN TO THROW SOMERSAULTS ON THE SPRINGY SPONGE BEDS OF THE MEXICAN GULF TO POKE ABOUT AMONG THE DEAD SHIPS AND SEE WHAT WONDERS AND ADVENTURES LIE INSIDE AND THEN ON WINTER NIGHTS WHEN THE NORTHEASTER WHIPS THE WATER INTO FROTH TO SWOOP DOWN AND DOWN TO GET AWAY FROM THE COLD DOWN TO WHERE THE WATER'S WARM AND DARK DOWN AND STILL DOWN TILL WE SPY THE TWINKLE OF THE FIRE EELS FAR BELOW WHERE OUR FRIENDS AND COUSINS SIT CHATTING ROUND THE COUNCIL GROTTO CHATTING BROTHER OVER THE NEWS AND GOSSIP OF THE SEA OH AND THEN SHE BROKE DOWN COMPLETELY SNIFFLING STOP IT I SAID YOU MAKE ME HOMESICK LOOK HERE LET'S PRETEND WE'RE SICK OR BETTER STILL LET'S PRETEND WE'RE DEAD AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY THROW US ON A RUBBISH HEAP AND WE FRY IN THE SUN WE'LL NOT BE MUCH WORSE OFF THAN WE ARE HERE IN THIS SMELLY PRISON WHAT DO YOU SAY WILL YOU RISK IT I WILL SHE SAID AND GLADLY SO NEXT MORNING TWO FIDGITS WERE FOUND BY THE KEEPER FLOATING ON THE TOP OF THE WATER IN THEIR TANK STIFF AND DEAD WE GAVE A MIGHTY GOOD IMITATION OF DEAD FISH ALTHOUGH I SAY IT MYSELF THE KEEPER RAN AND GOT THE OLD GENTLEMEN WITH SPECTACLES AND WHISKERS THEY THREW UP THEIR HANDS IN HORROR WHEN THEY SAW US LIFTING US CAREFULLY OUT OF THE WATER THEY LAID US ON WET CLOTHS THAT WAS THE HARDEST PART OF ALL IF YOU'RE A FISH AND GET TAKEN OUT OF THE WATER YOU HAVE TO KEEP OPENING AND SHUTTING YOUR MOUTH TO BREATHE AT ALL AND EVEN THAT YOU CAN'T KEEP UP FOR LONG AND ALL THIS TIME WE HAD TO STAY STIFF AS STICKS AND BREATHE SILENTLY THROUGH HALF CLOSED LIPS WELL THE OLD FELLOWS POKED US AND FELT US AND PINCHED US TILL I THOUGHT THEY'D NEVER BE DONE THEN WHEN THEIR BACKS WERE TURNED A MOMENT A WRETCHED CAT GOT UP ON THE TABLE AND NEARLY ATE US LUCKILY THE OLD MEN TURNED ROUND IN TIME AND SHOOED HER AWAY YOU MAY BE SURE THOUGH THAT WE TOOK A COUPLE OF GOOD GULPS OF AIR WHILE THEY WEREN'T LOOKING AND THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT SAVED US FROM CHOKING I WANTED TO WHISPER TO CLIPPA TO BE BRAVE AND STICK IT OUT BUT I COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE AS YOU KNOW MOST KINDS OF FISH TALK CANNOT BE HEARD NOT EVEN A SHOUT UNLESS YOU'RE UNDER WATER THEN JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO GIVE IT UP AND LET ON THAT WE WERE ALIVE ONE OF THE OLD MEN SHOOK HIS HEAD SADLY LIFTED US UP AND CARRIED US OUT OF THE BUILDING NOW FOR IT I THOUGHT TO MYSELF WE'LL SOON KNOW OUR FATE LIBERTY OR THE GARBAGE CAN OUTSIDE TO OUR UNSPEAKABLE HORROR HE MADE STRAIGHT FOR A LARGE ASH BARREL WHICH STOOD AGAINST THE WALL ON THE OTHER SIDE OF A YARD MOST HAPPILY FOR US HOWEVER WHILE HE WAS CROSSING THIS YARD A VERY DIRTY MAN WITH A WAGON AND HORSES DROVE UP AND TOOK THE ASH BARREL AWAY I SUPPOSE IT WAS HIS PROPERTY THEN THE OLD MAN LOOKED AROUND FOR SOME OTHER PLACE TO THROW US HE SEEMED ABOUT TO CAST US UPON THE GROUND BUT HE EVIDENTLY THOUGHT THAT THIS WOULD MAKE THE YARD UNTIDY AND HE DESISTED THE SUSPENSE WAS TERRIBLE HE MOVED OUTSIDE THE YARD GATE AND MY HEART SANK ONCE MORE AS I SAW THAT HE NOW INTENDED TO THROW US IN THE GUTTER OF THE ROADWAY BUT FORTUNE WAS INDEED WITH US THAT DAY A LARGE MAN IN BLUE CLOTHES AND SILVER BUTTONS STOPPED HIM IN THE NICK OF TIME EVIDENTLY FROM THE WAY THE LARGE MAN LECTURED AND WAVED A SHORT THICK STICK IT WAS AGAINST THE RULES OF THE TOWN TO THROW DEAD FISH IN THE STREETS AT LAST TO OUR UNUTTERABLE JOY THE OLD MAN TURNED AND MOVED OFF WITH US TOWARDS THE HARBOR HE WALKED SO SLOWLY MUTTERING TO HIMSELF ALL THE WAY AND WATCHING THE MAN IN BLUE OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE THAT I WANTED TO BITE HIS FINGER TO MAKE HIM HURRY UP BOTH CLIPPA AND I WERE ACTUALLY AT OUR LAST GASP FINALLY HE REACHED THE SEA WALL AND GIVING US ONE LAST SAD LOOK HE DROPPED US INTO THE WATERS OF THE HARBOR NEVER HAD WE REALIZED ANYTHING LIKE THE THRILL OF THAT MOMENT AS WE FELT THE SALT WETNESS CLOSE OVER OUR HEADS WITH ONE FLICK OF OUR TAILS WE CAME TO LIFE AGAIN THE OLD MAN WAS SO SURPRISED THAT HE FELL RIGHT INTO THE WATER ALMOST ON TOP OF US FROM THIS HE WAS RESCUED BY A SAILOR WITH A BOAT HOOK AND THE LAST WE SAW OF HIM THE MAN IN BLUE WAS DRAGGING HIM AWAY BY THE COAT COLLAR LECTURING HIM AGAIN APPARENTLY IT WAS ALSO AGAINST THE RULES OF THE TOWN TO THROW DEAD FISH INTO THE HARBOR BUT WE WHAT TIME OR THOUGHT HAD WE FOR HIS TROUBLES WE WERE FREE IN LIGHTNING LEAPS IN CURVING SPURTS IN CRAZY ZIG ZAGS WHOOPING SHRIEKING WITH DELIGHT WE SPED FOR HOME AND THE OPEN SEA THAT IS ALL OF MY STORY AND I WILL NOW AS I PROMISED LAST NIGHT TRY TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY ASK ABOUT THE SEA ON CONDITION THAT I AM SET AT LIBERTY AS SOON AS YOU HAVE DONE THE DOCTOR IS THERE ANY PART OF THE SEA DEEPER THAN THAT KNOWN AS THE NERO DEEP I MEAN THE ONE NEAR THE ISLAND OF GUAM THE FIDGIT WHY CERTAINLY THERE'S ONE MUCH DEEPER THAN THAT NEAR THE MOUTH OF THE AMAZON RIVER BUT IT'S SMALL AND HARD TO FIND WE CALL IT THE DEEP HOLE AND THERE'S ANOTHER IN THE ANTARCTIC SEA THE DOCTOR CAN YOU TALK ANY SHELLFISH LANGUAGE YOURSELF THE FIDGIT NO NOT A WORD WE REGULAR FISHES DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE SHELLFISH WE CONSIDER THEM A LOW CLASS THE DOCTOR BUT WHEN YOU'RE NEAR THEM CAN YOU HEAR THE SOUND THEY MAKE TALKING I MEAN WITHOUT NECESSARILY UNDERSTANDING WHAT THEY SAY THE FIDGIT ONLY WITH THE VERY LARGEST ONES SHELLFISH HAVE SUCH WEAK SMALL VOICES IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANY BUT THEIR OWN KIND TO HEAR THEM BUT WITH THE BIGGER ONES IT IS DIFFERENT THEY MAKE A SAD BOOMING NOISE RATHER LIKE AN IRON PIPE BEING KNOCKED WITH A STONE ONLY NOT NEARLY SO LOUD OF COURSE THE DOCTOR I AM MOST ANXIOUS TO GET DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA TO STUDY MANY THINGS BUT WE LAND ANIMALS AS YOU NO DOUBT KNOW ARE UNABLE TO BREATHE UNDER WATER HAVE YOU ANY IDEAS THAT MIGHT HELP ME THE FIDGIT I THINK THAT FOR BOTH YOUR DIFFICULTIES THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO WOULD BE TO TRY AND GET HOLD OF THE GREAT GLASS SEA SNAIL THE DOCTOR ER WHO OR WHAT IS THE GREAT GLASS SEA SNAIL THE FIDGIT HE IS AN ENORMOUS SALT WATER SNAIL ONE OF THE WINKLE FAMILY BUT AS LARGE AS A BIG HOUSE HE TALKS QUITE LOUDLY WHEN HE SPEAKS BUT THIS IS NOT OFTEN HE CAN GO TO ANY PART OF THE OCEAN AT ALL DEPTHS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF ANY CREATURE IN THE SEA HIS SHELL IS MADE OF TRANSPARENT MOTHER O PEARL SO THAT YOU CAN SEE THROUGH IT BUT IT'S THICK AND STRONG WHEN HE IS OUT OF HIS SHELL AND HE CARRIES IT EMPTY ON HIS BACK THERE IS ROOM IN IT FOR A WAGON AND A PAIR OF HORSES HE HAS BEEN SEEN CARRYING HIS FOOD IN IT WHEN TRAVELING THE DOCTOR I FEEL THAT THAT IS JUST THE CREATURE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HE COULD TAKE ME AND MY ASSISTANT INSIDE HIS SHELL AND WE COULD EXPLORE THE DEEPEST DEPTHS IN SAFETY DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HIM FOR ME THE FIDGIT ALAS NO I WOULD WILLINGLY IF I COULD BUT HE IS HARDLY EVER SEEN BY ORDINARY FISH HE LIVES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE DEEP HOLE AND SELDOM COMES OUT AND INTO THE DEEP HOLE THE LOWER WATERS OF WHICH ARE MUDDY FISHES SUCH AS WE ARE AFRAID TO GO THE DOCTOR DEAR ME THAT'S A TERRIBLE DISAPPOINTMENT ARE THERE MANY OF THIS KIND OF SNAIL IN THE SEA THE FIDGIT OH NO HE IS THE ONLY ONE IN EXISTENCE SINCE HIS SECOND WIFE DIED LONG LONG AGO HE IS THE LAST OF THE GIANT SHELLFISH HE BELONGS TO PAST AGES WHEN THE WHALES WERE LAND ANIMALS AND ALL THAT THEY SAY HE IS OVER SEVENTY THOUSAND YEARS OLD THE DOCTOR GOOD GRACIOUS WHAT WONDERFUL THINGS HE COULD TELL ME I DO WISH I COULD MEET HIM THE FIDGIT WERE THERE ANY MORE QUESTIONS YOU WISHED TO ASK ME THIS WATER IN YOUR TANK IS GETTING QUITE WARM AND SICKLY I'D LIKE TO BE PUT BACK INTO THE SEA AS SOON AS YOU CAN SPARE ME THE DOCTOR JUST ONE MORE THING WHEN CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS CROSSED THE ATLANTIC IN FOURTEEN NINETY TWO HE THREW OVERBOARD TWO COPIES OF HIS DIARY SEALED UP IN BARRELS ONE OF THEM WAS NEVER FOUND IT MUST HAVE SUNK I WOULD LIKE TO GET IT FOR MY LIBRARY DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW WHERE IT IS THE FIDGIT YES I DO THAT TOO IS IN THE DEEP HOLE WHEN THE BARREL SANK THE CURRENTS DRIFTED IT NORTHWARDS DOWN WHAT WE CALL THE ORINOCO SLOPE TILL IT FINALLY DISAPPEARED INTO THE DEEP HOLE IF IT WAS ANY OTHER PART OF THE SEA I'D TRY AND GET IT FOR YOU BUT NOT THERE THE DOCTOR WELL THAT IS ALL I THINK I HATE TO PUT YOU BACK INTO THE SEA BECAUSE I KNOW THAT AS SOON AS I DO I'LL THINK OF A HUNDRED OTHER QUESTIONS I WANTED TO ASK YOU BUT I MUST KEEP MY PROMISE WOULD YOU CARE FOR ANYTHING BEFORE YOU GO IT SEEMS A COLD DAY SOME CRACKER CRUMBS OR SOMETHING THE FIDGIT NO I WON'T STOP ALL I WANT JUST AT PRESENT IS FRESH SEA WATER THE DOCTOR I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR ALL THE INFORMATION YOU HAVE GIVEN ME YOU HAVE BEEN VERY HELPFUL AND PATIENT THE FIDGIT PRAY DO NOT MENTION IT IT HAS BEEN A REAL PLEASURE TO BE OF ASSISTANCE TO THE GREAT JOHN DOLITTLE YOU ARE AS OF COURSE YOU KNOW ALREADY QUITE FAMOUS AMONG THE BETTER CLASS OF FISHES GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU TO YOUR SHIP AND TO ALL YOUR PLANS THE DOCTOR CARRIED THE LISTENING TANK TO A PORTHOLE OPENED IT AND EMPTIED THE TANK INTO THE SEA GOOD BYE HE MURMURED AS A FAINT SPLASH REACHED US FROM WITHOUT I DROPPED MY PENCIL ON THE TABLE AND LEANED BACK WITH A SIGH MY FINGERS WERE SO STIFF WITH WRITERS CRAMP THAT I FELT AS THOUGH I SHOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO OPEN MY HAND AGAIN BUT I AT LEAST HAD HAD A NIGHT'S SLEEP AS FOR THE POOR DOCTOR HE WAS SO WEARY THAT HE HAD HARDLY PUT THE TANK BACK UPON THE TABLE AND DROPPED INTO A CHAIR WHEN HIS EYES CLOSED AND HE BEGAN TO SNORE IN THE PASSAGE OUTSIDE POLYNESIA SCRATCHED ANGRILY AT THE DOOR I ROSE AND LET HER IN A NICE STATE OF AFFAIRS SHE STORMED WHAT SORT OF A SHIP IS THIS THERE'S THAT COLORED MAN UPSTAIRS ASLEEP UNDER THE WHEEL THE DOCTOR ASLEEP DOWN HERE AND YOU MAKING POT HOOKS IN A COPY BOOK WITH A PENCIL EXPECT THE SHIP TO STEER HERSELF TO BRAZIL WE'RE JUST DRIFTING AROUND THE SEA LIKE AN EMPTY BOTTLE AND A WEEK BEHIND TIME AS IT IS WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU ALL SHE WAS SO ANGRY THAT HER VOICE ROSE TO A SCREAM BUT IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN MORE THAN THAT TO WAKE THE DOCTOR I PUT THE NOTE BOOK CAREFULLY IN A DRAWER AND WENT ON DECK TO TAKE THE WHEEL END OF CHAPTER TWO SENT-END == [115364 frames] -65.7609 [Ac=-7586434.7 LM=0.0] (Act=48.5) |
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| | 21 | SENT-END CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE OF ETIQUETTE THIS IS A LIBRIVOX RECORDING ALL LIBRIVOX RECORDINGS ARE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN FOR MORE INFORMATION OR TO VOLUNTEER PLEASE VISIT LIBRIVOX DOT ORG RECORDED BY LAURY ANNE WALDEN ETIQUETTE IN SOCIETY IN BUSINESS IN POLITICS AND AT HOME BY EMILY POST CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE THE KINDERGARTEN OF ETIQUETTE IN THE HOUSES OF THE WELL TO DO WHERE THE NURSERY IS IN CHARGE OF A WOMAN OF REFINEMENT WHO IS COMPETENT TO TEACH LITTLE CHILDREN PROPER BEHAVIOR THEY ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO COME TO TABLE IN THE DINING ROOM UNTIL THEY HAVE LEARNED AT LEAST THE ELEMENTS OF GOOD MANNERS BUT WHETHER IN A BIG HOUSE OF THIS DESCRIPTION OR IN A SMALL HOUSE WHERE PERHAPS THE MOTHER ALONE MUST BE THE TEACHER CHILDREN CAN SCARCELY BE TOO YOUNG TO BE TAUGHT THE RUDIMENTS OF ETIQUETTE NOR CAN THE TEACHING BE TOO PATIENTLY OR TOO CONSCIENTIOUSLY CARRIED OUT TRAINING A CHILD IS EXACTLY LIKE TRAINING A PUPPY A LITTLE HEEDLESS INATTENTION AND IT IS OUT IF HAND IMMEDIATELY THE GREAT THING IS NOT TO LET IT ACQUIRE BAD HABITS THAT MUST AFTERWARD BE BROKEN ANY CHILD CAN BE TAUGHT TO BE BEAUTIFULLY BEHAVED WITH NO EFFORT GREATER THAN QUIET PATIENCE AND PERSEVERANCE WHEREAS TO BREAK BAD HABITS ONCE THEY ARE ACQUIRED IS A HERCULEAN TASK ELEMENTARY TABLE MANNERS SINCE A VERY LITTLE CHILD CAN NOT HOLD A SPOON PROPERLY AND AS NEATNESS IS THE FIRST REQUISITE IN TABLE MANNERS IT SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HOLD ITS SPOON AS IT MIGHT TAKE HOLD OF A BAR IN FRONT OF IT BACK OF THE HAND UP THUMB CLOSED OVER FIST THE PUSHER A SMALL FLAT PIECE OF SILVER AT RIGHT ANGLES TO A HANDLE IS HELD IN THE SAME WAY IN THE LEFT HAND ALSO IN THE FIRST EATING LESSONS A BABY MUST BE ALLOWED TO PUT A SPOON IN ITS MOUTH POINTED END FOREMOST ITS FIRST LESSONS MUST BE TO TAKE SMALL MOUTHFULS TO EAT VERY SLOWLY TO SPILL NOTHING TO KEEP THE MOUTH SHUT WHILE CHEWING AND NOT SMEAR ITS FACE OVER IN DRINKING A CHILD SHOULD USE BOTH HANDS TO HOLD A MUG OR GLASS UNTIL ITS HAND IS BIG ENOUGH SO IT CAN EASILY HOLD A GLASS IN ONE WHEN IT CAN EAT WITHOUT SPILLING ANYTHING OR SMEARING ITS LIPS AND DRINK WITHOUT MAKING GREASE MOONS ON ITS MUG OR TUMBLER BY ALWAYS WIPING ITS MOUTH BEFORE DRINKING IT MAY BE ALLOWED TO COME TO TABLE IN THE DINING ROOM AS A TREAT FOR SUNDAY LUNCH OR BREAKFAST OR IF IT HAS BEEN TAUGHT BY ITS MOTHER AT TABLE SHE CAN RELAX HER ATTENTION SOMEWHAT FROM ITS PROGRESS GIRLS ARE USUALLY DAINTIER AND MORE EASILY TAUGHT THAN BOYS BUT MOST CHILDREN WILL BEHAVE BADLY AT TABLE IF LEFT TO THEIR OWN DEVICES EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY COMMIT NO SERIOUS OFFENSES SUCH AS MAKING A MESS OF THEIR FOOD OR THEMSELVES OR TALKING WITH THEIR MOUTHS FULL ALL CHILDREN LOVE TO CRUMB BREAD FLOP THIS WAY AND THAT IN THEIR CHAIRS KNOCK SPOONS AND FORKS TOGETHER DAWDLE OVER THEIR FOOD FEED ANIMALS IF ANY ARE ALLOWED IN THE ROOM OR BECOME RESTLESS AND NOISY ONCE GRADUATED TO THE DINING ROOM ANY REVERSION TO SUCH TACTICS MUST BE FIRMLY REPREHENDED AND THE CHILD SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT CONTINUED OFFENSE MEANS A RETURN TO THE NURSERY BUT BEFORE COMPANY IT IS BEST TO SAY AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE SINCE TOO MUCH NAGGING IN THE PRESENCE OF STRANGERS LESSENS A CHILD'S INCENTIVE TO GOOD BEHAVIOR BEFORE THEM IF IT REFUSES TO BEHAVE NICELY MUCH THE BEST THING TO DO IS TO SAY NOTHING BUT GET UP AND QUIETLY LEAD IT FROM THE TABLE BACK TO THE NURSERY IT IS NOT ONLY BAD FOR THE CHILD BUT ANNOYING TO A GUEST TO CONTINUE INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE COMPANY AND THE CHILD LEARNS MUCH MORE QUICKLY TO BE WELL BEHAVED IF IT UNDERSTANDS THAT GOOD BEHAVIOR IS THE PRICE OF ADMISSION TO GROWN UP SOCIETY A WORD OR TWO SUCH AS DON'T LEAN ON THE TABLE DARLING OR PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU ARE DOING DEAR SHOULD SUFFICE BUT A CHILD THAT IS NOISY THAT REACHES OUT TO HELP ITSELF TO CANDY OR CAKE THAT INTERRUPTS THE CONVERSATION THAT EATS UNTIDILY HAS BEEN ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE NURSERY BEFORE IT HAS BEEN PROPERLY GRADUATED TABLE MANNERS MUST OF COURSE PROCEED SLOWLY IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY THAT ANY OTHER LESSONS PROCEED IN SCHOOL HAVING LEARNED WHEN A BABY TO USE THE NURSERY IMPLEMENTS OF SPOON AND PUSHER THE CHILD WHEN IT IS A LITTLE OLDER DISCARDS THEM FOR THE FORK SPOON AND KNIFE THE PROPER USE OF THE FORK AS SOON THEREFORE AS HIS HAND IS DEXTEROUS ENOUGH THE CHILD MUST BE TAUGHT TO HOLD HIS FORK NO LONGER GRIPPED BABY FASHION IN HIS FIST BUT MUCH AS A PENCIL IS HELD IN WRITING ONLY THE FINGERS ARE PLACED NEARER THE TOP THAN THE POINT THE THUMB AND TWO FIRST FINGERS ARE CLOSED AROUND THE HANDLE TWO THIRDS OF THE WAY UP THE SHANK AND THE FOOD IS TAKEN UP SHOVEL WISE ON THE TURNED UP PRONGS AT FIRST HIS LITTLE FINGERS WILL HOLD HIS FORK STIFFLY BUT AS HE GROWS OLDER HIS FINGERS WILL BECOME MORE FLEXIBLE JUST AS THEY WILL IN HOLDING HIS PENCIL IF HE FINDS IT HARD WORK TO SHOVEL HIS FOOD HE CAN FOR A WHILE CONTINUE TO USE HIS NURSERY PUSHER BY AND BY THE PUSHER IS CHANGED FOR A SMALL PIECE OF BREAD WHICH IS HELD IN HIS LEFT HAND AND BETWEEN THUMB AND FIRST TWO FINGERS AND AGAINST WHICH THE FORK SHOVELS UP SUCH ELUSIVE ARTICLES AS CORN PEAS POACHED EGG ETC THE SPOON IN USING THE SPOON HE HOLDS IT IN HIS RIGHT HAND LIKE THE FORK IN EATING CEREAL OR DESSERT HE MAY BE ALLOWED TO DIP THE BOWL OF THE SPOON TOWARD HIM AND EAT FROM THE END BUT IN EATING SOUP HE MUST DIP HIS SPOON AWAY FROM HIM TURNING THE OUTER RIM OF THE BOWL DOWN AS HE DOES SO FILL THE BOWL NOT MORE THAN THREE QUARTERS FULL AND SIP IT WITHOUT NOISE OUT OF THE SIDE NOT THE END OF THE BOWL THE REASON WHY THE BOWL MUST NOT BE FILLED FULL IS BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LIFT A BRIMMING SPOONFUL OF LIQUID TO HIS MOUTH WITHOUT SPILLING SOME OR IN THE CASE OF PORRIDGE WITHOUT FILLING HIS MOUTH TOO FULL WHILE STILL VERY YOUNG HE MAY BE TAUGHT NEVER TO LEAVE THE SPOON IN A CUP WHILE DRINKING OUT OF IT BUT AFTER STIRRING THE COCOA OR WHATEVER IT IS TO LAY THE SPOON IN THE SAUCER A VERY UGLY TABLE HABIT WHICH SEEMS TO BE AN IMPULSE AMONG ALL CHILDREN IS TO PILE A GREAT QUANTITY OF FOOD ON A FORK AND THEN LICK OR BITE IT OFF PIECEMEAL THIS MUST ON NO ACCOUNT BE PERMITTED IT IS PERFECTLY CORRECT HOWEVER TO SIP A LITTLE AT A TIME OF HOT LIQUID FROM A SPOON IN TAKING ANY LIQUID EITHER FROM A SPOON OR DRINKING VESSEL NO NOISE MUST EVER BE MADE THE FORK AND KNIFE TOGETHER IN BEING TAUGHT TO USE HIS KNIFE THE CHILD SHOULD AT FIRST CUT ONLY SOMETHING VERY EASY SUCH AS A SLICE OF CHICKEN HE SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING WITH BONES OR GRISTLE OR ANYTHING THAT IS TOUGH IN HIS LEFT HAND IS PUT HIS FORK WITH THE PRONGS DOWNWARD HELD NEAR THE TOP OF THE HANDLE HIS INDEX FINGER IS PLACED ON THE SHANK SO THAT IT POINTS TO THE PRONGS AND IS SUPPORTED AT THE SIDE BY HIS THUMB HIS OTHER FINGERS CLOSE UNDERNEATH AND HOLD THE HANDLE TIGHT HE MUST NEVER BE ALLOWED TO HOLD HIS FORK EMIGRANT FASHION PERPENDICULARLY CLUTCHED IN THE CLENCHED FIST AND TO SAW ACROSS THE FOOD AT ITS BASE WITH HIS KNIFE THE KNIFE THE KNIFE IS HELD IN HIS RIGHT HAND EXACTLY AS THE FORK IS HELD IN HIS LEFT FIRMLY AND AT THE END OF THE HANDLE WITH THE INDEX FINGER POINTING DOWN THE BACK OF THE BLADE IN CUTTING HE SHOULD LEARN NOT TO SCRAPE THE BACK OF THE FORK PRONGS WITH THE CUTTING EDGE OF THE KNIFE HAVING CUT OFF A MOUTHFUL HE THRUSTS THE FORK THROUGH IT WITH PRONGS POINTED DOWNWARD AND CONVEYS IT TO HIS MOUTH WITH HIS LEFT HAND HE MUST LEARN TO CUT OFF AND EAT ONE MOUTHFUL AT A TIME IT IS UNNECESSARY TO ADD THAT THE KNIFE MUST NEVER BE PUT IN HIS MOUTH NOR IS IT GOOD FORM TO USE THE KNIFE UNNECESSARILY SOFT FOODS LIKE CROQUETTES HASH ON TOAST ALL EGGS AND VEGETABLES SHOULD BE CUT OR MERELY BROKEN APART WITH THE EDGE OF THE FORK HELD LIKE THE KNIFE AFTER WHICH THE FORK IS TURNED IN THE HAND TO FIRST OR SHOVEL POSITION THE KNIFE MUST NEVER BE USED TO SCOOP BAKED POTATO OUT OF THE SKIN OR TO BUTTER POTATO A FORK MUST BE USED FOR ALL MANIPULATIONS OF VEGETABLES BUTTER FOR BAKED POTATOES TAKEN ON THE TIP OF THE FORK SHOVEL FASHION LAID ON THE POTATO AND THEN PRESSED DOWN AND MIXED WITH THE PRONGS HELD POINTS CURVED UP WHEN NO KNIFE IS BEING USED THE FORK IS HELD IN THE RIGHT HAND WHETHER USED PRONGS DOWN TO IMPALE THE MEAT OR PRONGS UP TO LIFT VEGETABLES TO PILE MASHED POTATO AND OTHER VEGETABLES ON THE CONVEX SIDE OF THE FORK ON TOP OF THE MEAT FOR TWO OR MORE INCHES OF ITS LENGTH IS A DISGUSTING HABIT DEAR TO SCHOOL BOYS AND ONE THAT IS MORE EASILY PREVENTED THAN CORRECTED IN FACT TAKING A BIG MOUTHFUL NEXT TO SMEARING HIS FACE AND CHEWING WITH MOUTH OPEN IS THE WORST OFFENSE AT TABLE WHEN HE HAS FINISHED EATING HE SHOULD LAY HIS KNIFE AND FORK CLOSE TOGETHER SIDE BY SIDE WITH HANDLES TOWARD THE RIGHT SIDE OF HIS PLATE THE HANDLES PROJECTING AN INCH OR TWO BEYOND THE RIM OF THE PLATE THEY MUST BE PLACED FAR ENOUGH ON THE PLATE SO THAT THERE IS NO DANGER OF THEIR OVER BALANCING ON TO THE TABLE OR FLOOR WHEN REMOVED AT THE END OF THE COURSE OTHER TABLE MATTERS THE DISTANCE FROM THE TABLE AT WHICH IT IS BEST TO SIT IS A MATTER OF PERSONAL COMFORT A CHILD SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BE SO CLOSE THAT HIS ELBOWS ARE BENT LIKE A GRASSHOPPER'S NOR SO FAR BACK THAT FOOD IS APT TO BE SPILLED IN TRANSIT FROM PLATE TO MOUTH CHILDREN LIKE TO DRINK VERY LONG AND RAPIDLY ALL IN ONE BREATH UNTIL THEY ARE PINK AROUND THE EYES AND ARE LITERALLY GASPING THEY ALSO LOVE TO PUT THEIR WHOLE HANDS IN THEIR FINGER BOWLS AND WIGGLE THEIR FINGERS A BABY OF TWO OR AT LEAST BY THE TIME HE IS THREE SHOULD BE TAUGHT TO DIP THE TIPS OF HIS FINGERS IN THE FINGER BOWL WITHOUT PLAYING DRAW THE FINGERS OF THE RIGHT HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH AND THEN WIPE HIS LIPS AND FINGERS ON THE APRON OF HIS BIB NO SMALL CHILD CAN BE EXPECTED TO USE A NAPKIN INSTEAD OF A BIB NO MATTER HOW NICELY BEHAVED HE MAY BE THERE IS ALWAYS DANGER OF HIS SPILLING SOMETHING SOME TIME SOFT BOILED EGG IS HIDEOUSLY DIFFICULT TO EAT WITHOUT EVER GETTING A DROP OF IT DOWN THE FRONT AND IT IS MUCH EASIER TO SUPPLY HIM WITH A CLEAN BIB FOR THE NEXT MEAL THAN TO CHANGE HIS DRESS FOR THE NEXT MOMENT VERY LITTLE CHILDREN USUALLY HAVE HOT WATER PLATES THAT ARE SPECIALLY MADE LIKE A DOUBLE PLATE WITH HOT WATER SPACE BETWEEN ON WHICH THE MEAT IS CUT UP AND THE VEGETABLES FIXED IN THE PANTRY AND BROUGHT TO THE CHILDREN BEFORE OTHER PEOPLE AT THE TABLE ARE SERVED NOT ONLY BECAUSE IT IS HARD FOR THEM TO BE MADE TO WAIT AND HAVE THEIR ATTENTION ATTRACTED BY FOOD NOT FOR THEM BUT BECAUSE THEY TAKE SO LONG TO EAT AS SOON AS THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO EAT EVERYTHING ON THE TABLE THEY ARE SERVED NOT LAST BUT IN THE REGULAR ROTATION AT TABLE IN WHICH THEY COME TABLE TRICKS THAT MUST BE CORRECTED TO SIT UP STRAIGHT AND KEEP THEIR HANDS IN THEIR LAPS WHEN NOT OCCUPIED WITH EATING IS VERY HARD FOR A CHILD BUT SHOULD BE INSISTED UPON IN ORDER TO PREVENT A CARELESS ATTITUDE THAT ALL TOO READILY DEGENERATES INTO FLOPPING THIS WAY AND THAT AND INTO FINGERING WHATEVER IS IN REACH HE MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO WARM HIS HANDS ON HIS PLATE OR DRUM ON THE TABLE OR SCREW HIS NAPKIN INTO A ROPE OR MAKE MARKS ON THE TABLECLOTH IF HE SHOWS TALENT AS AN ARTIST GIVE HIM PENCILS OR MODELING WAX IN HIS PLAYROOM BUT DO NOT LET HIM BITE HIS SLICE OF BREAD INTO THE SILHOUETTE OF AN ANIMAL OR MODEL FIGURES IN SOFT BREAD AT THE TABLE AND DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO CONSTRUCT A TENT OUT OF TWO FORKS OR AN AUTOMOBILE CHASSIS OUT OF TUMBLERS AND KNIVES FOOD AND TABLE IMPLEMENTS ARE NOT PLAYTHINGS NOR IS THE DINING ROOM A PLAYGROUND TALKING AT TABLE WHEN OLDER PEOPLE ARE PRESENT AT TABLE AND A CHILD WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING HE MUST BE TAUGHT TO STOP EATING MOMENTARILY AND LOOK AT HIS MOTHER WHO AT THE FIRST PAUSE IN THE CONVERSATION WILL SAY WHAT IS IT DEAR AND THE CHILD THEN HAS HIS SAY IF HE WANTS MERELY TO LAUNCH FORTH ON A LONG SUBJECT OF HIS OWN CONVERSATION HIS MOTHER SAYS NOT NOW DARLING WE WILL TALK ABOUT THAT BY AND BY OR DON'T YOU SEE THAT MOTHER IS TALKING TO AUNT MARY WHEN CHILDREN ARE AT TABLE ALONE WITH THEIR MOTHER THEY SHOULD NOT ONLY BE ALLOWED TO TALK BUT UNCONSCIOUSLY TRAINED IN TABLE CONVERSATION AS WELL AS IN TABLE MANNERS CHILDREN ARE ALL MORE OR LESS LITTLE MONKEYS IN THAT THEY IMITATE EVERYTHING THEY SEE IF THEIR MOTHER TREATS THEM EXACTLY AS SHE DOES HER VISITORS THEY IN TURN PLAY VISITOR TO PERFECTION NOTHING HURTS THE FEELINGS OF CHILDREN MORE THAN NOT BEING ALLOWED TO BEHAVE LIKE GROWN PERSONS WHEN THEY THINK THEY ARE ABLE TO BE HELPED TO BE FED TO HAVE THEIR FOOD CUT UP ALL HAVE A STULTIFYING EFFECT UPON THEIR DEVELOPMENT AS SOON AS THEY HAVE BECOME EXPERT ENOUGH TO ATTEMPT THESE SERVICES FOR THEMSELVES CHILDREN SHOULD BE TAUGHT FROM THE TIME THEY ARE LITTLE NOT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT THEY LIKE AND DON'T LIKE A CHILD WHO IS NOT ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING BUT NO THANK YOU AT HOME WILL NOT MORTIFY HIS MOTHER IN PUBLIC BY SCREAMING I HATE STEAK I WON'T EAT POTATO I WANT ICE CREAM QUIETNESS AT TABLE OLDER CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO JERK OUT THEIR CHAIRS TO FLOP DOWN SIDEWAYS TO FLICK THEIR NAPKINS BY ONE CORNER TO REACH OUT FOR SOMETHING OR BEGIN TO EAT NUTS FRUIT OR OTHER TABLE DECORATIONS A CHILD AS WELL AS A GROWN PERSON SHOULD SIT DOWN QUIETLY IN THE CENTER OF HIS CHAIR AND DRAW IT UP TO THE TABLE IF THERE IS NO ONE TO PUSH IT IN FOR HIM BY HOLDING THE SEAT IN EITHER HAND WHILE MOMENTARILY LIFTING HIMSELF ON HIS FEET HE MUST NOT JUMP OR ROCK HIS CHAIR INTO PLACE AT THE TABLE IN GETTING UP FROM THE TABLE AGAIN HE MUST PUSH HIS CHAIR BACK QUIETLY USING HIS HANDS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE CHAIR SEAT AND NOT BY HOLDING ON TO THE TABLE EDGE AND GIVING HIMSELF CHAIR AND ALL A SUDDEN SHOVE THERE SHOULD NEVER BE A SOUND MADE BY THE PUSHING IN OR OUT OF CHAIRS AT TABLE THE SPOILED CHILD THE BAD MANNERS OF AMERICAN CHILDREN WHICH UNFORTUNATELY ARE SUPPOSED BY FOREIGNERS TO BE TYPICAL ARE NEARLY ALWAYS THE RESULT OF THEIR BEING GIVEN STAR PARTS BY OVER FOND BUT EQUALLY OVER FOOLISH MOTHERS IT IS ONLY NECESSARY TO BRING TO MIND THE MOST IRRITATING AND OBJECTIONABLE CHILD ONE KNOWS AND THE CHANCES ARE THAT ITS MOTHER CONTINUALLY THROWS THE SPOTLIGHT ON IT BY TALKING TO IT AND ABOUT IT AND BY CALLING ATTENTION TO ITS LOOKS OR ITS CUNNING WAYS OR EVEN POSSIBLY ITS NAUGHTINESS IT IS HUMANLY NATURAL TO MAKE A FUSS OVER LITTLE CHILDREN PARTICULARLY IF THEY ARE PRETTY AND IT TAKES QUITE SUPER HUMAN CONTROL FOR A YOUNG MOTHER NOT TO SHOW OFF HER TREASURE BUT TO SAY INSTEAD PLEASE DO NOT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO HER SOME CHILDREN WHO ARE ESPECIALLY FREE FROM SELF CONSCIOUSNESS STAND STARDOM BETTER THAN OTHERS WHO ARE MORE READILY SPOILED BUT IN NINE CASES OUT OF TEN THE OLD FASHIONED METHOD THAT ASSIGNED CHILDREN TO INCONSPICUOUS PLACES IN THE BACKGROUND AND DECREED THEY MIGHT BE SEEN BUT NOT HEARD PRODUCED MEN AND WOMEN OF FAR GREATER CHARM THAN THE MODERN METHOD OF ENCOURAGING PUBLIC SELF EXPRESSION FROM INFANCY UPWARD CHIEF VIRTUE OBEDIENCE NO YOUNG HUMAN BEING ANY MORE THAN A YOUNG DOG HAS THE LEAST CLAIM TO ATTRACTIVENESS UNLESS IT IS TRAINED TO MANNERS AND OBEDIENCE THE CHILD THAT WHINES INTERRUPTS FUSSES FIDGETS AND DOES NOTHING THAT IT IS TOLD TO DO HAS NOT THE LEAST POWER OF ATTRACTION FOR ANY ONE EVEN THOUGH IT MAY HAVE THE FEATURES OF AN ANGEL AND BE DRESSED LIKE A PICTURE ANOTHER THAT MAY HAVE NO CLAIM TO BEAUTY WHATEVER BUT THAT IS SWEET AND NICELY BEHAVED EXERTS CHARM OVER EVERY ONE WHEN POSSIBLE A CHILD SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY THE INSTANT IT BECOMES DISOBEDIENT IT SOON LEARNS THAT IT CAN NOT STAY WITH MOTHER UNLESS IT IS WELL BEHAVED THIS MEANS THAT IT LEARNS SELF CONTROL IN BABYHOOD NOT ONLY MUST CHILDREN OBEY BUT THEY MUST NEVER BE ALLOWED TO SHOW OFF OR BECOME PERT OR TO CONTRADICT OR TO ANSWER BACK AND AFTER HAVING BEEN TOLD NO THEY MUST NEVER BE ALLOWED BY PERSISTENT NAGGING TO WIN YES A CHILD THAT LOSES ITS TEMPER THAT TEASES THAT IS PETULANT AND DISOBEDIENT AND A NUISANCE TO EVERYBODY IS MERELY A VICTIM POOR LITTLE THING OF PARENTS WHO HAVE BEEN TOO INCOMPETENT OR NEGLIGENT TO TRAIN IT TO OBEDIENCE MOREOVER THAT SAME CHILD WHEN GROWN WILL BE THE FIRST TO RESENT AND BLAME THE MOTHER'S MISTAKEN SPOILING AND LACK OF GOOD SENSE FAIR PLAY NOTHING APPEALS TO CHILDREN MORE THAN JUSTICE AND THEY SHOULD BE TAUGHT IN THE NURSERY TO PLAY FAIR IN GAMES TO RESPECT EACH OTHER'S PROPERTY AND RIGHTS TO GIVE CREDIT TO OTHERS AND NOT TO TAKE TOO MUCH CREDIT TO THEMSELVES EVERY CHILD MUST BE TAUGHT NEVER TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE MEAGRE POSSESSIONS OF ANOTHER CHILD WHOSE PARENTS ARE NOT AS WELL OFF AS HER OWN A PURSE PROUD OVERBEARING CHILD WHO SAYS TO A PLAYMATE MY CLOTHES WERE ALL MADE IN PARIS AND MY DOLL IS EVER SO MUCH HANDSOMER THAN YOURS OR IS THAT REAL LACE ON YOUR COLLAR IS NOT IMPRESSING HER YOUNG FRIEND WITH HER GRANDEUR AND DISCRIMINATION BUT WITH HER DISAGREEABLENESS AND RUDENESS A BOY WHO BRAGS ABOUT WHAT HE HAS AND BOASTS OF WHAT HE CAN DO IS ONLY LESS OBJECTIONABLE BECAUSE OTHER BOYS ARE SURE TO TAKE IT OUT OF HIM PROMPTLY AND THOROUGHLY NOR SHOULD A BRIGHT OBSERVING CHILD BE ENCOURAGED TO PICK OUT OTHER PEOPLE'S FAILINGS OR TO TELL HER MOTHER HOW INFERIOR OTHER CHILDREN ARE COMPARED WITH HERSELF IF SHE WINS A RACE OR A MEDAL OR IS PRAISED SHE NATURALLY TELLS HER MOTHER AND HER MOTHER NATURALLY REJOICES WITH HER AND IT IS PROPER THAT SHE SHOULD BUT A WISE MOTHER DIRECTS HER CHILD'S MENTAL ATTITUDE TO APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT ARROGANCE SELFISHNESS AND CONCEIT CAN WIN NO PLACE WORTH HAVING IN THE WORLD CHILDREN AT AFTERNOON TEA A CUSTOM IN MANY FASHIONABLE HOUSES IS TO ALLOW CHILDREN AS SOON AS THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO COME INTO THE DRAWING ROOM OR LIBRARY AT TEA TIME AS NOTHING GIVES THEM A BETTER OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN HOW TO BEHAVE IN COMPANY LITTLE BOYS ARE ALWAYS TAUGHT TO BOW TO VISITORS LITTLE GIRLS TO CURTSY SMALL BOYS ARE TAUGHT TO PLACE THE INDIVIDUAL TABLES HAND PLATES AND TEA AND PASS SANDWICHES AND CAKES IF THERE ARE NO BOYS GIRLS PERFORM THIS OFFICE VERY OFTEN THEY BOTH DO WHEN EVERYBODY HAS BEEN HELPED THE CHILDREN ARE PERHAPS ALLOWED A PIECE OF CAKE WHICH THEY PUT ON A TEA PLATE AND SIT DOWN AND EAT NICELY BUT AS THE TEA HOUR IS VERY NEAR THEIR SUPPER TIME THEY ARE OFTEN ALLOWED NOTHING AND AFTER MAKING THEMSELVES USEFUL GO OUT OF THE ROOM AGAIN IF MANY PEOPLE ARE PRESENT AND THE CHILDREN ARE NOT SPOKEN TO THEY LEAVE THE ROOM UNOBTRUSIVELY AND QUIETLY IF ONLY ONE OR TWO ARE PRESENT ESPECIALLY THOSE WHOM THE CHILDREN KNOW WELL THEY SHAKE HANDS AND SAY GOOD BY AND WALK NOT RUN OUT OF THE ROOM THIS IS ONE OF THE WAYS IN WHICH WELL BRED PEOPLE BECOME USED FROM CHILDHOOD TO INSTINCTIVE GOOD MANNERS UNLESS THEY ARE SPOKEN TO THEY WOULD NOT THINK OF SPEAKING OR MAKING THEMSELVES NOTICED IN ANY WAY VERY LITTLE CHILDREN WHO HAVE NOT REACHED THE AGE OF DISCRETION WHICH MAY BE PLACED AT ABOUT FIVE POSSIBLY NOT UNTIL SIX USUALLY GO IN THE DRAWING ROOM AT TEA TIME ONLY WHEN NEAR RELATIVES OR INTIMATE FRIENDS OF THE FAMILY ARE THERE NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS WASHED AND DRESSED SOME CHILDREN WEAR SPECIAL AFTERNOON CLOTHES BUT USUALLY THE CLEAN CLOTHES PUT ON AT TEA TIME GO ON AGAIN THE NEXT MORNING EXCEPT THE THIN SOCKS AND HOUSE SLIPPERS WHICH ARE RESERVED FOR THE EVENING HOUR OF THEIR DAY CHILDREN'S PARTIES A SMALL GIRL OR BOY GIVING A PARTY SHOULD RECEIVE WITH HER MOTHER AT THE DOOR AND GREET ALL HER FRIENDS AS THEY COME IN IF IT IS HER BIRTHDAY AND OTHER CHILDREN BRING HER GIFTS SHE MUST SAY THANK YOU POLITELY ON NO ACCOUNT MUST SHE BE ALLOWED TO TELL A CHILD I HATE DOLLS IF A FRIEND HAS BROUGHT HER ONE SHE MUST LEARN AT AN EARLY AGE THAT AS HOSTESS SHE MUST THINK OF HER GUESTS RATHER THAN HERSELF AND NOT WANT THE BEST TOYS IN THE GRAB BAG OR SCREAM BECAUSE ANOTHER CHILD GETS THE PRIZE THAT IS OFFERED IN A CONTEST IF BEATEN IN A GAME A LITTLE GIRL NO LESS THAN HER BROTHERS MUST NEVER CRY OR COMPLAIN THAT THE CONTEST IS NOT FAIR WHEN SHE LOSES SHE MUST TRY TO HELP HER GUESTS HAVE A GOOD TIME AND NOT INSIST ON PLAYING THE GAME SHE LIKES INSTEAD OF THOSE WHICH THE OTHER CHILDREN SUGGEST WHEN SHE HERSELF GOES TO A PARTY SHE MUST SAY HOW DO YOU DO WHEN SHE ENTERS THE ROOM AND CURTSY TO THE LADY WHO RECEIVES A BOY MAKES A BOW THEY SHOULD HAVE EQUALLY GOOD MANNERS AS WHEN AT HOME AND NOT TRY TO GRAB MORE THAN THEIR SHARE OF FAVORS OR TOYS WHEN IT IS TIME TO GO HOME THEY MUST SAY GOOD BY I HAD A VERY GOOD TIME OR GOOD BY THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH THE CHILD'S REPLY IF THE HOSTESS SAYS GOOD BY GIVE MY LOVE TO YOUR MOTHER THE CHILD ANSWERS YES MRS SMITH IN ALL MONOSYLLABIC REPLIES A CHILD MUST NOT SAY YES OR NO OR WHAT A BOY IN ANSWERING A GENTLEMAN STILL USES THE OLD FASHIONED YES SIR NO SIR I THINK SO SIR BUT MA'AM HAS GONE OUT OF STYLE BOTH BOYS AND GIRLS MUST THEREFORE ANSWER NO MRS SMITH YES MISS JONES A GIRL SAYS YES MR SMITH RATHER THAN SIR ALL CHILDREN SHOULD SAY WHAT DID YOU SAY MOTHER NO FATHER THANK YOU AUNT KATE YES UNCLE FRED ETC THEY NEED NOT INSERT A NAME IN A LONG SENTENCE NOR WITH PLEASE OR THANK YOU YES PLEASE OR NO THANK YOU IS QUITE SUFFICIENT OR IN ANSWERING I JUST SAW MARY DOWN IN THE GARDEN IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO ADD MRS SMITH AT THE END ETIQUETTE FOR GROWN CHILDREN ETIQUETTE FOR GROWN CHILDREN IS PRECISELY THE SAME AS FOR GROWN PERSONS EXCEPTING THAT IN MANY WAYS THE MANNERS EXACTED OF YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD BE MORE ALERT AND PUNCTILIOUS YOUNG GIRLS AND BOYS OF COURSE SHOULD HAVE THE MANNERS OF A GENTLEMAN RATHER THAN THOSE OF A LADY IN THAT A GENTLEMAN ALWAYS RISES RELINQUISHES THE BEST SEAT AND WALKS LAST INTO A ROOM WHEREAS THESE COURTESIES ARE SHOWN TO AND NOT OBSERVED BY LADIES EXCEPT TO OTHER LADIES OLDER THAN THEMSELVES IN GIVING PARTIES YOUNG GIRLS SEND OUT THEIR INVITATIONS AS THEIR MOTHERS DO AND THEIR DEPORTMENT IS THE SAME AS THAT OF THEIR DEBUTANTE SISTER BOYS BEHAVE AS THEIR FATHERS DO AND ARE EQUALLY PUNCTILIOUS IN FOLLOWING THE CODE OF HONOR OF ALL GENTLEMEN THE ONLY DETAILS THEREFORE NOT LIKELY TO BE DESCRIBED IN OTHER CHAPTERS OF THIS BOOK ARE A FEW ADMONITIONS ON TABLE MANNERS THAT ARE SOMEWHAT ABOVE KINDERGARTEN GRADE THE GRADUATING TESTS IN TABLE MANNERS A YOUNG PERSON MAY BE SUPPOSED TO HAVE GRADUATED FROM THE SCHOOL OF TABLE ETIQUETTE WHEN SHE OR HE WOULD BE ABLE TO SIT AT A FORMAL LUNCH OR DINNER TABLE AND FIND NO DIFFICULTY IN EATING PROPERLY ANY OF THE COMESTIBLES WHICH ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HURDLES TO THE INEXPERT CORN ON THE COB CORN ON THE COB COULD BE ELIMINATED SO FAR AS EVER HAVING TO EAT IT IN FORMAL COMPANY IS CONCERNED SINCE IT IS NEVER SERVED AT A LUNCHEON OR A DINNER BUT IF YOU INSIST ON EATING IT AT HOME OR IN A RESTAURANT TO ATTACK IT WITH AS LITTLE FEROCITY AS POSSIBLE IS PERHAPS THE ONLY DIRECTION TO BE GIVEN SINCE AT BEST IT IS AN UNGRACEFUL PERFORMANCE AND TO EAT IT GREEDILY A HORRIBLE SIGHT ASPARAGUS ALTHOUGH ASPARAGUS MAY BE TAKEN IN THE FINGERS DON'T TAKE A LONG DROOPING STALK HOLD IT UP IN THE AIR AND CATCH THE END OF IT IN YOUR MOUTH LIKE A FISH WHEN THE STALKS ARE THIN IT IS BEST TO CUT THEM IN HALF WITH THE FORK EATING THE TIPS LIKE ALL FORK FOOD THE ENDS MAY THEN BE TAKEN IN THE FINGERS AND EATEN WITHOUT A DROPPING FOUNTAIN EFFECT DON'T SQUEEZE THE STALKS OR HOLD YOUR HAND BELOW THE END AND LET THE JUICE RUN DOWN YOUR ARM ARTICHOKES ARTICHOKES ARE ALWAYS EATEN WITH THE FINGERS A LEAF AT A TIME IS PULLED OFF AND THE EDIBLE END DIPPED IN THE SAUCE AND THEN BITTEN OFF BREAD AND BUTTER BREAD SHOULD ALWAYS BE BROKEN INTO SMALL PIECES WITH THE FINGERS BEFORE BEING EATEN IF IT IS TO BE BUTTERED AT LUNCH BREAKFAST OR SUPPER BUT NOT AT DINNER A PIECE IS HELD ON THE EDGE OF THE BREAD AND BUTTER PLATE OR THE PLACE PLATE AND ENOUGH BUTTER SPREAD ON IT FOR A MOUTHFUL OR TWO AT A TIME WITH A SMALL SILVER BUTTER KNIFE BREAD MUST NEVER BE HELD FLAT ON THE PALM OF THE HAND AND BUTTERED IN THE AIR IF THE REGULAR STEEL KNIFE IS USED CARE MUST BE TAKEN NOT TO SMEAR FOOD FROM THE KNIFE'S SIDE ON THE BUTTER ANY FOOD THAT IS SMEARED ABOUT IS LOATHSOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEAUTIFUL TABLE MANNERS ALWAYS KEEP THEIR PLACES AT TABLE NEAT PEOPLE WITH DISGUSTING MANNERS GET EVERYTHING IN A HORRIBLE MESS THE MANAGEMENT OF BONES AND PITS TERRAPIN BONES FISH BONES AND GRAPE SEED MUST BE EATEN QUITE BARE AND CLEAN IN THE MOUTH AND REMOVED ONE AT A TIME BETWEEN FINGER AND THUMB ALL SPITTING OUT OF BONES AND PITS INTO THE PLATE IS DISGUSTING IF FOOD IS TOO HOT QUICKLY TAKE A SWALLOW OF WATER ON NO ACCOUNT SPIT IT OUT IF FOOD HAS BEEN TAKEN INTO YOUR MOUTH NO MATTER HOW YOU HATE IT YOU HAVE GOT TO SWALLOW IT IT IS UNFORGIVABLE TO TAKE ANYTHING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THAT HAS BEEN PUT IN IT EXCEPT DRY BONES AND STONES TO SPIT ANYTHING WHATEVER INTO THE CORNER OF YOUR NAPKIN IS TOO NAUSEATING TO COMMENT ON IT IS HORRID TO SEE ANY ONE SPIT SKINS OR PITS ON A FORK OR INTO THE PLATE THE ONLY WAY TO TAKE ANYTHING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS BETWEEN FIRST FINGER AND THUMB DRY GRAPE SEEDS OR CHERRY PITS CAN BE DROPPED FROM THE LIPS INTO THE CUPPED HAND PEACHES OR OTHER VERY JUICY FRUITS ARE PEELED AND THEN EATEN WITH KNIFE AND FORK BUT DRY FRUITS SUCH AS APPLES MAY BE CUT AND THEN EATEN IN THE FINGERS NEVER WIPE HANDS THAT HAVE FRUIT JUICE ON THEM ON A NAPKIN WITHOUT FIRST USING A FINGER BOWL BECAUSE FRUIT JUICES MAKE INDELIBLE STAINS BIRDS BIRDS ARE NOT EATEN WITH THE FINGERS IN COMPANY YOU CUT OFF AS MUCH OF THE MEAT AS YOU CAN AND LEAVE THE REST ON YOUR PLATE FORKS OR FINGERS ALL JUICY OR GOOEY FRUITS OR CAKES ARE BEST EATEN WITH A FORK BUT IN MOST CASES IT IS A MATTER OF DEXTERITY IF YOU ARE ABLE TO EAT A PEACH IN YOUR FINGERS AND NOT SMEAR YOUR FACE LET JUICE RUN DOWN OR MAKE A SUCKING NOISE YOU ARE THE ONE IN A THOUSAND WHO MAY AND WITH UTMOST PROPRIETY CONTINUE THE FEAT IF YOU CAN EAT A NAPOLEON OR A CREAM PUFF AND NOT LET THE CREAM OOZE OUT ON THE FAR SIDE YOU NEED NOT USE A FORK BUT IF YOU CAN NOT EAT SOMETHING NO MATTER WHAT IT IS WITHOUT GETTING IT ALL OVER YOUR FINGERS YOU MUST USE A FORK AND IF NECESSARY A KNIFE ALSO ALL RULES OF TABLE MANNERS ARE MADE TO AVOID UGLINESS TO LET ANY ONE SEE WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH IS REPULSIVE TO MAKE A NOISE IS TO SUGGEST AN ANIMAL TO MAKE A MESS IS DISGUSTING ON THE OTHER HAND THERE ARE A NUMBER OF TRIFLING DECREES OF ETIQUETTE THAT ARE MERELY FINICAL UNREASONABLE AND SILLY WHY ONE SHOULD NOT CUT ONE'S SALAD IN SMALL PIECES IF ONE WANTS TO MAKES LITTLE SENSE UNLESS ONE WANTS TO CUT UP A WHOLE PLATEFUL AND MAKE THE PLATE MESSY A STEEL KNIFE MUST NOT BE USED FOR SALAD OR FRUIT BECAUSE IT TURNS BLACK TO CONDEMN THE AMERICAN CUSTOM OF EATING A SOFT BOILED EGG IN A GLASS OR CUP BECAUSE IT HAPPENS TO BE THE ENGLISH FASHION TO SCOOP IT THROUGH THE RAGGED EDGE OF THE SHELL IS ABOUT AS REASONABLE AS THOUGH WE WERE TO PROCLAIM ENGLISH MANNERS BAD BECAUSE THEY TAG A BREAKFAST DISH CALLED A SAVORY OF FISH ROE OR SOMETHING EQUALLY INAPPROPRIATE AFTER THE DESSERT AT DINNER MANY OTHER ARBITRARY RULES FOR EATING FOOD WITH FORK SPOON OR FINGERS ARE ALSO STUMBLING BLOCKS RATHER THAN AIDS TO SMOOTHNESS AS SAID ABOVE ONE EATS WITH A FORK OR SPOON FINGER FOODS THAT ARE MESSY AND STICKY ONE EATS WITH THE FINGER THOSE WHICH ARE DRY IT IS TRUE THAT ONE SHOULD NOT EAT FRENCH FRIED POTATOES OR SARATOGA CHIPS IN FINGERS BUT THAT IS BECAUSE THEY BELONG TO THE MEAT COURSE SEPARATE VEGETABLE SAUCERS ARE NEVER PUT ON A FASHIONABLE TABLE NEITHER IS BUTTER ALLOWED AT DINNER THEREFORE BOTH MUST BE AVOIDED IN COMPANY BECAUSE COMPANY IS FORMAL AND ETIQUETTE IS FIRST AID ALWAYS TO FORMALITY BUT IF A MAN IN HIS OWN HOUSE LIKES BUTTER WITH HIS DINNER OR A SAUCER FOR HIS TOMATOES HE IS BREAKING THE RULE OF FASHION TO HAVE THEM BUT HE IS SCARCELY COMMITTING AN OFFENSE IN THE SAME WAY IF HE LIKES TO EAT A CHICKEN WING OR A SQUAB LEG IN HIS FINGERS HE CAN ASK FOR A FINGER BOWL THE REAL OBJECTION TO EATING WITH THE FINGERS IS GETTING THEM GREASY OR STICKY AND TO SUCK THEM OR SMEAR ONE'S NAPKIN IS EQUALLY UNSIGHTLY ON THE SUBJECT OF ELBOWS ALTHOUGH ELBOWS ON THE TABLE ARE SEEN CONSTANTLY IN HIGHEST FASHIONABLE CIRCLES A WHOLE TABLE'S LENGTH OF ELBOWS PLANTED LIKE CLOTHES LINE POLES AND HANDS WAVING GLASSES OR FORKS ABOUT IN BETWEEN IS NEITHER AN ATTRACTIVE NOR FORTUNATELY AN ACCURATE PICTURE OF A FASHIONABLE DINNER TABLE AS A MATTER OF FACT THE TOLERATED ELBOW ON TABLE IS USED ONLY ON OCCASION AND FOR A REASON AND SHOULD NEITHER BE PERMITTED TO CHILDREN NOR PRACTISED IN THEIR PRESENCE ELBOWS ARE UNIVERSALLY SEEN ON TABLES IN RESTAURANTS ESPECIALLY WHEN PEOPLE ARE LUNCHING OR DINING AT A SMALL TABLE OF TWO OR FOUR AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE ONESELF HEARD ABOVE THE MUSIC BY ONE'S TABLE COMPANIONS AND AT THE SAME TIME NOT BE HEARD AT OTHER TABLES NEARBY WITHOUT LEANING FAR FORWARD AND IN LEANING FORWARD A WOMAN'S FIGURE MAKES A MORE GRACEFUL OUTLINE SUPPORTED ON HER ELBOWS THAN DOUBLED FORWARD OVER HER HANDS IN HER LAP AS THOUGH IN PAIN AT HOME WHEN THERE IS NO REASON FOR LEANING ACROSS THE TABLE THERE IS NO REASON FOR ELBOWS AND AT A DINNER OF CEREMONY ELBOWS ON THE TABLE ARE RARELY SEEN EXCEPT AT THE ENDS OF THE TABLE WHERE AGAIN ONE HAS TO LEAN FORWARD IN ORDER TO TALK TO A COMPANION AT A DISTANCE ACROSS THE TABLE CORNER ELBOWS ARE NEVER PUT ON THE TABLE WHILE ONE IS EATING TO SIT WITH THE LEFT ELBOW PROPPED ON THE TABLE WHILE EATING WITH THE RIGHT HAND UNLESS ONE IS ALONE AND ILL OR TO PROP THE RIGHT ONE ON THE TABLE WHILE LIFTING THE FORK OR GLASS TO THE MOUTH MUST BE AVOIDED END OF CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE SENT-END == [194542 frames] -63.5937 [Ac=-12371639.8 LM=0.0] (Act=19.3) |
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